whether I want to or not!
It's not exactly what I've had in mind for the last year and half, but it is what it is. :) I just reread some of my posts and realized I'm pretty evasive when it come to giving info about myself...it's so much easier to talk about other people! 8-/
So enough about everyone else, let's talk about me for a while!
It started a year ago last June, maybe July. Patrick (my husband) and I knew change was on the horizon so we calmly waited for it to arrive. An announcement was made that rocked my world, someone I knew was retiring and her position was going to need to be filled. Just to end any drama for you here, I didn't fill that position! But that announcement has lead to complete and total upheaval in my life. My nice little structured world went flying out the door and has never returned.
Over the last year and half, I have found all kinds of "reasons" why God is doing whatever it is that He's doing, but honestly, I still don't have a clue what it is. I know Patrick and I have a unique ministry style and I know God is going to use that style to accomplish some amazing things, but what to do in the mean time? I don't know, and I am searching every day.
I've tried to get involved with volunteering for various things, but I find my heart isn't in it, and I find no fulfillment there either. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't enjoy volunteering, I do very much. But volunteering in and of itself doesn't bring me fulfillment. I can do it, and I do it well. But it's not my destiny, its just something to fill my time and be a servant to others.
Basically, I had a meltdown a couple of days ago. Now my kind of meltdown isn't yelling and screaming. It's being very quiet and shedding some tears (not a lot, but some). When I'm having a meltdown, everything, and I do mean everything, is in question. So while I ponder the complexities of life, God works in my spirit. By the time it was time to sleep I had finished my tears, asked all my questions, and peacefully greeted sleep.
The next day wasn't anything like the day before and God slowly revealed to me that whether I like it or not, I'm going to continue taking a break. Pete Wilson says in his book, Plan B, that while we are waiting on God, we should rest. So rest it is. Rest I am going to do. I will do it efficiently and effectively! And hopefully, while I rest, God will give me some tangible answers for whatever it is he's doing and I will continue to calmly wait for change to come. :)